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Emotional Intelligence

Often, we stretch ourselves thin to keep up with the demands of everyday life. We pour our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energy into our homes, work, and community. Our lives are full but our energy gas tank can many times be running on fumes. We start questioning why we are so tired all the time and may even end up in a physician's office for some answers. 

Yes, physical energy causes a person to feel "tired" but did you know emotional energy does as well? Mira Kirshenbaum, a psychotherapist and researcher, did research on this to determine how much energy a person receives from physical sources vs. emotional ones. Her research uncovered that physical sources can supply, at most, 30 percent of one's total energy. The remaining 70 percent come from other sources - emotional energy being one of the highest. 

It is important to see and understand emotions as a form of energy. This implies that they are fluid, moving resources meant to be felt and released vs. suppressed and ignored. So the question transforms from "Why am I so tired?" to "Am I using my emotions to inform me or to control me"? 

When emotional reserves are low, you may begin to experience an inner energy crisis. This is something I experienced first hand. Going into my senior year of college was the darkest period for my emotional energy. I constantly told myself that no one should love me and felt my confidence spiraling. I felt extreme guilt and was letting my emotions control me. It took me having a tough conversation myself and being completely real to identify the emotional drains that were affecting me and working through them to find emotional gains. These included:

Emotional Drains

excessive worrying

overdosing on guilt


overcommitting and not setting healthy boundaries

holding on to loss

Emotional Gains

personalizing choices based on one's needs and not on other's expectations

choosing experience both large and small that include beauty, fun, and companionship

learning how to say "no" without feeling guilty attending actively to losses followed by letting go and embracing life fully again

Here’s a small action plan to get you on the right way to increase your emotional energy.

1. Identify the drains

2. Ask people close to you where you can be better with communication and conflict management

3. Set processes. You will get upset/overwhelmed. Set a plan to sit, breathe, talk through these emotions.

4. Stop asking why am I so tired and start asking yourself what makes you feel more alive. 5.

What makes you happy? Find these things, people, activities, etc. and start living the life you always envisioned.

Get my FREE ebook "Live a Life You Love" at

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